Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The Snowdrift Incident - Epilogue

After writing a scathing report to our Health and Safety department on the total failure of the emergency procedures that are supposed to be in place to save us from freezing to death while stuck in snowdrifts, the following measures have been taken:

1. I now have an antenna fitted to the roof of my car that will enable me to use my cell phone from any place I am likely to go. Fortunately this actually works...I personally tested it.

2. Our Journey Management System is to be more closely monitored by the HSE people. That means that the moron that is suppose to know where everybody is at any moment in time when we are out in the Tundra was given a stern warning to be more attentive to his job....oooooh that should work!!

3. The HSE department gave me a bigger shovel !!!!!!!!!

2 Comments:

At 6:19 PM, Blogger The middle child said...

Dear Sir/Madam

We at the Journey Management System have received a complaint from the HSE regarding a scheduled trip that you made, allegedly to a rig and the subsequent inconvenience that you suffered. While we are sympathetic to your plight, we remind you that, according to policy, you are required to notify us ten (10) days in advance of any trip that you are planning on making, including bathroom trips, and trips to the copier. Furthermore, we require notification if you are planning on having an incident, including, but not limited to flat tires, frozen fluids, burst pipes, errant snow drifts, and collision with migrating mammoths. Without notification, you cannot reasonably expect that we can respond in a timely manner. Furthermore, an inspection of your issued shovel reveals that you used it for an unintended purpose (i.e. shoveling snow). Please be advised that the purpose of this shovel is limited to the stirring of tea, and the dosing of childrens medicine. We recommend that, in the event of an unscheduled incident you use your issued cell phone to call our helpline (hours: Mon-Wed 3pm-3:15pm - closed for lunch from 3:07pm to 3:12pm) and log a service ticket. The service center has a guaranteed six business day turnaround time. In the event that you have in some way caused your cellphone to not receive a signal, you will find that your vehicle has been equipped with alternate state-of-the-art communication equipment, including two (2) styrofoam cups and string, a didgeridoo, a smoke blanket, and a really loud gong. All are located over the rear wheel. Please also be aware that we watched,'An Inconvenient Truth', and have concluded that, thanks to global warming, snow is no longer a factor in Siberia, and we will be recalling your snow chains, automatic starter, and buttock warmer. In the event that you do experience snow in excess of three (3) feet, you should contact Al Gore for a reasonable estimate of when melting should occur. He can be reached on the didgeridoo at:[International Code] (bweeeee) hooooooaahhhhrrrr - bwowoawoooooo

Sincerely,

Randy (Tom Tom) Garmin.
Journey Management System - Yes, this is a real department.

 
At 9:09 AM, Blogger kelly said...

If you happen to be digging again with your ice cream scoop, and scrape a sign that reads "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate" or "Abandon all hope, you who enter here" Stop digging, for you might be entering the outer ring of the first circle. There is no guarantee you will come out before dawn on Easter Morning. And that might be on the other Hemisphere after you have traveled through the Eurotunnel.

 

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