Freezer Burnt Brit

Asterix and Obelix to the Rescue

2007-10-08T08:34:00.000+05:00

Last night before I went to my flat I decided to go for a walk. The weather was cold, about -4 C, but bearable, and it was snowing, very pretty. So off I went, and it was most enjoyable. I arrived back at my flat ready for a warm drink and supper....not so!!

I got to my front door, pushed the key into the outer security door lock and turned it as normal...and the bloody key snapped off in the lock!!

I tried to use a bit of force to see if I could get it open....then the handle came off!!

So there I was, in one hand a broken off key and in the other the broken off handle. Sometimes life can be a bit of a pain!

I then went to the car to see if I could find something a bit bigger and stronger to force the door. I found the infamous folding snow shovel. Well it’s better than nothing....not so!!

I jammed the snow shovel into the space between the door and the jam and leaned on it with all my might....and the shovel blade bent like it was made of plastic!!

I needed help. I made a few phone calls and found that there were a couple of our Russian warehouse men still at work. So off I went to get them and hopefully a crow bar or something similar.

The two guys I found were the spitting image of Asterix and Obelix. One was small and bossy and the other was immense and a bit slow.

They took about 2 minutes to break the door in using huge crowbars and a sledge hammer, inspiring great confidence in my security.

But the amazing thing about this whole episode was the fact that even with all the hammering and sound of breaking wood not a soul came to see what was going on!!

Back Again

2007-09-25T10:06:00.000+05:00

I have been locked out of this blog for almost 6 months and finally I managed to resurrect it. I have tried to use my new blog on www.michaelmellars.com but it is beyond me how to post on it and your much enjoyed comments were not getting through. So back to basics and the old blog site, and please comment away!

The summer has gone by without much going on here in the land of the frozen chosen. The summer mosquito onslaught was as usual, after all this is Siberia and we have to have something to make life miserable even when the weather is good!

The autumn colors were very evident when I arrived a week ago, but last night the wind increased to almost gale force and a storm came through. The lovely yellow and brown leaves were stripped during the night leaving some rather embarrassed naked trees about!

When I awoke the wind was howling and the rain pouring down. By the time I was on my way to the office the rain had turned to snow!! It didn't settle but it was a very pointed reminder of what is to come, and probably very soon!

Black Snow

2007-04-10T12:56:00.000+05:00

Over the last few days there has been an incredible thaw with feet of snow disappearing almost overnight. This has left a rather odd legacy....black snow!

From what I can figure the white snow has melted and in that white snow were small amounts of dust, dirt, what have you ("what have yous" can be almost anything, from old beer bottles to frozen drunk locals). The snow melts the dirt and dust doesn't. So as more and more snow melts the exposed layers get darker and darker as more and more dirt is left behind

With me so far?

Not only is the snow black but so are the melt puddles, actually small lakes, that have formed on the roads. The cars are black, even the white ones. The packs of town dogs have all turned black too... nothing has been spared.

This place of pristine whiteness has turned into a vision from hell almost overnight

The Snowdrift Incident - Epilogue

2007-04-03T08:17:00.000+05:00

After writing a scathing report to our Health and Safety department on the total failure of the emergency procedures that are supposed to be in place to save us from freezing to death while stuck in snowdrifts, the following measures have been taken:

1. I now have an antenna fitted to the roof of my car that will enable me to use my cell phone from any place I am likely to go. Fortunately this actually works...I personally tested it.

2. Our Journey Management System is to be more closely monitored by the HSE people. That means that the moron that is suppose to know where everybody is at any moment in time when we are out in the Tundra was given a stern warning to be more attentive to his job....oooooh that should work!!

3. The HSE department gave me a bigger shovel !!!!!!!!!

The Snowdrift Incident

2007-04-01T14:59:00.000+05:00

Yesterday the weather turned rather warm, it actually got above freezing for the first time since last October, wow an early Spring! The sun was shining and all was well. It was a little slow in the office so I decided to go out into the tundra and pay a visit to my field engineers; boost moral and all that.

So off I went.

As I was driving out I noticed that the temperature was falling again and clouds coming in, what a pain , the day was so nice. But onward I went.

Then the wind started to get a bit frisky and snow started to blow across the road as it does frequently here, nothing new. However I did notice that the wind was getting stronger and stronger and the snow was really starting to pick up and blow about. But onward I went.

I got onto the tundra ice road and then the snow started and the wind really howled and visibility dropped to about 10 yards. But onward I went.

Driving started to get a bit interesting and then it happened....I hit a snowdrift and got firmly stuck!! The front end of the vehicle was well and truly planted. I shifted down to Low FWD and tried to reverse out, no such luck, it wouldn't budge.

I got out of the car and stepped up to my knees in snow; do you know how hard it is to walk about in knee high snow....not easy! I waded to the back of the car and got out the emergency kit and pulled out the shovel. The wind was really blowing and the snow was flying by, and the temperature was obviously dropping. The shovel was a joke, it was a collapsible one about the size of a large serving spoon!! But I had to do something to get free so I started digging.

After about five minutes of digging it was obvious I was loosing the battle, as fast as I dug the snow away the wind blew in more. After 15 minutes I was totally exhausted and beat a hasty retreat to the warmth of the car to await a passing truck to pull me out. Of course my cell phone didn't work, the usual no coverage anywhere more than a mile from town!! So I waited, and waited, and slowly the car was being covered with blown snow.

And then the rescuer appeared through the blizzard.....A pooh truck!! He had been out to the rig to suck the toilets out, and here he was to pull me free!!!! What a star! Through various hand gestures I got him to figure out what I wanted to do and he latched onto my car a pulled it out of the snowdrift. Yeh!! I then turned round and followed him out to the main road and went back to my safe office and dried out.

Today I learned some very important lessons

1. Never, ever , ever underestimate the weather here
2. The speed at which energy is sucked from the body in cold blizzard conditions
3. Rescuers come in all shapes ....and smells!!!

The Arctic Indian Festival

2007-03-28T11:17:00.000+05:00

This last weekend saw the annual Arctic Indian Festival in Novy Urengoy. Last year I missed this feast of ethnicity as I was having days off; and can you believe I have been coming to this place for a year already??? Time flies when you're freezing your rear off!!

Anyway I looked forward to this extravaganza with great anticipation. The Indians have been busy all winter long (that means from last August!!) making their trinklets and artisania to sell to the gringos and make enough money for their Vodka and ciggies for the coming year. What an opportunity for me to witness something not everybody gets to see, and buy stuff that will fascinate visitors to Casa Mellars.

So Saturday afternoon I ventured forth with my trusty interpreter to enjoy the sites. As we approached the area of the festival the music could be heard echoing off of the "picturesque" blocks of flats and Indian tepees could be seen, wow this looked promising!
However the closer we got the more I realized that the number of tepees was about three or four not the multitude advertised in local newspapers.
This is yours truly outside of one of the tepees. I actually looked inside, the place was dark, full of smoke from the fire, and stank like you wouldn't believe! A good photo op however.

The first interesting thing we saw was a pole about 30 foot high with boots attached to the top. This pole, as explained by my interpreter, is a much enjoyed competition for the local youth. They strip off to their undies(remember it may be Spring but it was still -20 outside) and then try to climb up the pole and snag a boot with a prize in it. However the pole is covered with grease.... just to make it a little more interesting! During the time we watched, about 15 minutes, many tried but only one managed to make it, as can be seen in the picture below.

Moving on we saw some Indian dancers and singers performing absolutely incomprehensible dances that even my interpreter didn't understand.

We then moved over to the artisania stands to buy some goodies. Ha! what a joke, the artisania consisted of things I wouldn't keep if they came out of a Christmas Cracker. Pure junk, in fact my interpreter showed me a trinklet with a "Made in China " sticker on the back!! The only thing I saw worth buying was a rather magnificent set of Reindeer antlers ( fortunately not still on the Reindeer) but the thieving bast.... gentleman wanted $300 for them. Needless to say I didn't buy them.

And basically that was it as far as the Indian part went. The rest of the site was covered with Shashlik stands (Shashlik is like Greek souflaki only giant size and is actually quiet tasty when cooked in hygienic conditions), and booze tents, filled with the inevitable drunk local men being held up by their ever faithful wives.

And I didn't get to see a live Reindeer

Things That Don't Work at -42C

2007-02-13T10:21:00.000+05:00

Over the past week the temperatures have plummeted and have been as low as -42 C static, around -48C with wind added. This is not pleasant, it's just plain painful.
At these temperatures certain things stop working, things you wouldn't normally think about.

1. Digital Cameras
This last week I have spent a lot of time outdoors with work related issues; of course it would be the week with the lowest temperatures so far!! The knack to surviving outdoors in this weather is to do it in 5 minute pieces, that way the important parts of your body don't have time to freeze. During one of these 5 minute excursions I felt something tickling me under my nose, couldn't be a bug much to cold for any living thing, so what was it? I walked over to my car and checked things out in the mirror; there was a white bottle brush under my nose!! Ice had formed on my moustache and made the wiskers go in all directions. I did not dare rub the ice off because I was afraid the whole thing would just shatter. Then the inevitable happened...somebody pulled out a camera. But the weather was kind, the camera opened up as digital cameras do, and then completely died and refused to work any more....yeh!!

2. Car CD Players
I cannot drive without music, and so as is my wont I slid a CD into the car player, nothing happened for a while but then an incredible noise erupted from the speakers. It sounded like the whole CD was being played at once...and backwards at that!! It wasn't until I had driven for about 30 minutes that the thing started to work properly!!!

3. Car Transmissions
The engine of my car has a wonderful little heater so that I can start it in the morning even at -42 C. The other morning I jumped in the car and started it as usual, and then tried to put it in gear....I couldn't move the gear stick at all, completely rigid. I tried to move it and finally there was a little movement, then a little more, eventually after about 10 minutes I managed to get it in first and slowly got the car moving... the transmission oil had frozen!!!

4. Me !!!!!!

The Logistics of Snow

2007-01-29T10:43:00.000+05:00

Snow is definitely pretty, it makes everywhere look picturesque...picture postcard nice. Even this dump called Novy Urengoy looks good in snow. But the other day I realized that snow in the amounts we get here must be a pain in the neck to get rid of. For instance outside my office the snow is piled half way up the window, cutting out what little light we get at this time of year. Our carpark is only small but we already have an immense pile from clearing it off after every snowfall. The snow has to be loaded onto trucks and taken for disposal, or rather to make a bigger pile somewhere else. Remember snow that falls from October on will not melt until May!!
Snow from all over the town has to be got rid of somewhere; and I finally found out where. On the outskirts of town I noticed fleets of trucks loaded with snow going down an obscure track...at the end of the track is a huge pile of snow, a veritable man made mountain!!
I wonder if it all melts before the new winter snows fall, or has this become a permanent geographical feature?

Another Day in (the workers) Paradise

2007-01-20T16:00:00.000+05:00

I have been remiss and I apologize for the lack of posts, it's been a busy holiday season... well that's my excuse!!

Last night we had another one of those amazing blizzards that seem to frequent these parts. I'm not sure what time it started but at 3 am all hell broke loose. The previous night I had slept with a window open to air the bedroom; well it seems I forgot to close it properly. At the aforementioned time there was an almighty bang as the strength of the howling wind blew the window wide open. I was sound asleep but isn't it amazing how quickly you can wake up!! I ran over to the window as quickly as I could but already the bedroom was full of freezing air and snow was coming in by the ton. After a bit of a fight I got the window closed and locked down.

So there I was at 3am, shivering in my pajamas and brushing snow off my bed!!!

Isn't Technology Wonderful!

2006-12-05T09:14:00.000+05:00

These cold dark mornings are cruel, it's hard to get out of bed when the temperature is -30 C and below, and like this morning a blizzard raging!
At these low temperatures when the engine of a car is turned off it only takes a couple of hours for it to freeze solid, and impossible to restart. Quite a problem when you leave your car outside overnight. No garages in this town. However technology came to my rescue.
My car was recently fitted with an internal heater, it runs off of diesel from the tank and warms up the engine block slowly by warming the heating/cooling water system. This makes starting in the morning a breeze.
But wait, there's more!
I have this incredible remote control, I can start this clever heating system from the comfort of my bed when I awake.
But wait, there's even more!!
Once the engine has reached a nice temperature I can start the engine by remote control... while I eat my breakfast!!
When I'm ready to leave for the office I stroll downstairs to my car and jump in to a beautifully warm and cozy interior. Can it get better than this in this Northern Wasteland!!

Dark Cold Days and Exiting New Developments

2006-11-29T14:49:00.000+05:00

Since returning a week ago the weather has gone from a cool-15C to a very chilly -36 C. But more than that the days have become nights too, sunrise is now around 10:00am and sunset around 2:00pm. Needless to say you've got to be quick to catch the sun!

The photo below was taken the other day at 1:45pm, you can see that the cars already have their headlights on! The white wispery stuff on the road is blowing snow.

Here's a really nice photo of the frozen wasteland that surrounds this garden spot!

But now for the scoop of the day. Do you remember the Siberian outhouse from last spring, well in thawed out in the summer and was such a health risk that it had to be removed and the melted brown stalamite disposed of. Now that the freeze is back so is the outhouse but it's bigger and better baby!!

May I introduce to you the new His n' Hers Siberian Comfort Station

The photo is not very good but the notices pinned to the doors say Ladies and Men in English and Russian. So they have done there bit for equality of the sexes. Now both Men and Ladies can take advantage of the facilities in complete confidence and privacy. However at -36 C you had better be quick!!!!

The Button

2006-10-14T09:09:00.000+05:00

This cold weather, now at -11C, makes the morning drive to work a little painful until the car gets warm, which is normally about the time I drive through the gates to the office carpark!
But the other morning while I was driving to work I noticed a small button in the center console. "What is this?" I muttered to myself. I've noticed I mutter a lot these days. I pressed the button to see what would happen. Nothing happened. Oh well just a blank button after all. I continued my journey.
About 2 to 3 minutes later my rear started to feel warm, then it got positively hot. "What is this?" I muttered yet again. See I told you I muttered a lot. The warm toasty feeling spread from my rear up my back, this is really nice I thought. The cold morning no longer had any effect on me, I felt positively tropical...what snow and ice?

Finally my brain kicked in and I realized this car is fitted with a bum warmer!!!!

"It" came in the night

2006-10-11T16:53:00.000+05:00

Yesterday was a weird day. In the morning the temperature was around -5C, by lunch time it was -11C. In the afternoon I went out to the rigs for meetings. The tundra was quiet but the sky was very agitated, the temperatures continued to fall and held at -15C....nippy to say the least!!

I asked one of the guys on the rig why was the sky so strange, "oh" he said "it's coming" then walked off grinning, no further explanation.

I got back to the office around 6:30 in the evening and I asked one of the guys in the office what was happening to the weather, he said" well, it's coming".

Mystified I went to the apartment for a meal and a cozy bed.

During the night "it" did come.....the wind roared like a demented animal and the windows rattled. I woke up and went over to the window, I have never seen anything like it, the snow was coming down and the wind blowing like I've never seen it. The snow whipped up by the wind cut visibility down to a few yards.

"It" was the first blizzard of the winter...wow!!

A small, yet amusing aside

2006-10-03T09:41:00.000+05:00

The following item was sent to me the other day and I thought I would share it with you as I thought it so good.

Satans Temptations

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ice Cream . And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that?And Man said "Yes!" And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips". And lo they gained 10 pounds. And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said "Try my fresh green salad". And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast. God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them". And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof. Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy center into fries and deep fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits. Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonalds and the 99c double cheeseburger. Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied "Yes, and super-size 'em". And Satan said "It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest. God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then ............ Satan chuckled and created..........................

...Managed Health Care!!!

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
1.Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2.Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3.Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4.Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5.Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!!

Notes From Narnia

2006-10-01T17:10:00.000+05:00

Once more I have passed through the Wardrobe from the land of Spareroom into Narnia. The Queen of Narnia is on her throne and the eternal winter is in full throws. The temperatures are falling daily and the frequency of the snow showers/flurries is increasing. Obviously the Queen is very angry with the creatures of Narnia.
I see the creatures of Narnia every day moving around with bent heads against the blowing snow and freezing winds, trying to get on with their lives the best they can. Since the Queen returned there is no longer laughter of children in the park near my humble abode, just an eerie silence and an occasional pitiful howl from a passing dog.
All the birds have left and all the green has gone.

There is a rumor that Aslan will return......sometime next June.

Global Warming ????!!!!!!

2006-08-25T16:40:00.000+05:00

As an ex geologist I can say I more or less understand the passage of time and the change of climates and geography. (How it fits into my beliefs is another thing entirely.) However I absolutely disagree with the present hysteria of global warming. Over geological time climates change regularly, if you don't understand this watch a couple of notable documentaries, I highly recommend....Ice Age, and Ice Age II. Not that long ago almost the entire Northern Hemisphere was covered with ice, and a little longer back and you find evidence of the same area covered in desert. And guess what... there wasn't one car, bus or SUV back then!!
So you say what has that to do with this humble blogger, well at the moment the Workers Paradise has yet to turn on the centralized heating system to the houses and businesses. This is despite the fact that the temperatures are touching freezing point most mornings, and it's wet and raining. My apartment is flippin freezing, my office is flippin freezing.......

GLOBAL WARMING MY A**

Food....Glorious Food !!

2006-08-20T09:48:00.000+05:00

After spending a bit of time in this garden spot of Siberia I have continually sort to find a good source of groceries. Not that the stores are bad, just that I can't find them!! It seems to be some sort of local sport to hide the stores. It's hard to explain but stores here are not like stores elsewhere in the world ....they are hidden, usually in the myriad concrete block houses scattered around town! Believe me I have looked hard and long. When I ask the locals in my office they kind of smile and say " yes you need to know were they are". So yesterday I got hold of an engineer in the office asked him to show me the best place to buy good groceries because at the moment I'm living off a diet of canned veggies and lousy apples!
I was driven to a series of concrete block houses about a mile from the office, as is normal there was no signs outside just a metal entrance door set in the concrete wall. There were loads of cars in the car park and people coming and going into this building.
We entered the building......absolute heaven!! Stall after stall of fresh fruit and veggies in a spotlessly clean interior. There were peaches as good as I have seen anywhere, all kinds of exotic fruits, wonderful veggies....wow, I didn't know which way to turn!! And that was not all, the next room/area was full of nuts, dried fruits, beans etc. There was yet another room full of meat, cold cuts, fish..loads of fish and smoked fish. I spent a wonderful hour strolling around all the stalls and buying some great stuff...I will be a regular visitor now I know were it is !!

The Hammer Stops

2006-08-11T11:42:00.000+05:00

It really is nice when the hammer stops, and this morning the hammer came to a full stop. Joy of Joys the hot water is finally back. My morning shock was changed to a long, deliciously hot shower. I couldn't believe it when I turned on the hot tap, just to check, and out came streams of hot water, what a wonderful surprise!

Update etc.

2006-08-10T12:03:00.000+05:00

I'm still starting my day with the cold water treatment, however now I dull the pain by using a kettle of hot water to at least knock the edge off my hair wash....the body still suffers.

The other day, on one of my walks, I came across a large hole in a piece of waste ground. I couldn't resist the urge to look down into the depths. As I looked into the hole things became crystal clear as to the delay of the arrival of hot water into my apartment. About 10 foot down were the main hot water lines exposed for all to see. The old line was being replaced by a new one, and by the look of the old one I'm surprised we ever got any hot water at all....Swiss cheese comes to mind! I suspect after seeing this construction I will probably be showering in freezing water for some time to come....oh joy!!!

A public Service Message
A quick note to the silent readers of this blog, please leave your comments for all to enjoy. It's very easy to register and leave your comment, just follow the online instructions. If that fails get somebody under 20 to help you!

The Two Week Shutdown - Continued

2006-08-07T13:15:00.000+05:00

I must be suffering from too much cold water on the brain but I'm actually getting use to the daily dousing of freezing cold water. I'm not sure if it's the actual shower I enjoy or the getting out of the shower. You know like being hit on the head with a hammer...it's nice when it stops!!

Anyway there is no sign of any hot water yet despite rumors to the contrary. And to cap it all the weather is starting to do its inevitable downward spiral towards winter. It's the start of August and already the temperatures are heading south. It's 8 deg C (46 F) today with a cold northerly wind and rain, a bit like being back in England in the Autumn. I drove out into the Tundra yesterday and noticed that all the migatory birds have left, they're obviously smarter than I am, they know what's coming!

The Two Week Shutdown

2006-08-03T10:56:00.000+05:00

After a wonderfully refreshing time at home with the fam I have now returned to the almost, and soon to be, Frozen North. I thought being at home for the month of July would ensure that I would miss the 'two week shutdown'. Not so. The local governmental powers that be arranged a late start this year thus allowing me to partake of this annual torture fest!!

Allow me to explain this two week event that will, no doubt, be etched into my very being for the rest of my life.

All of the heating and hot water of the town is supplied free by the local government. (Mr Wright please note, this may be a wonderful thing to do for your parish). It all comes from centrally located boiler houses and is pumped through a network of insulated pipes to homes and businesses. A great idea I hear you say, and so it is!
However each year for a period of two weeks the boiler houses are shut down for the annual cleaning and maintenance.

The houses do not have their own water heaters....the end result, freezing cold showers everyday for two weeks!!!!!

This morning I jumped into the shower unaware of the lack of hot water. Dear God, I have never experienced water so cold....never!! Remember the permafrost is just below the surface!!

It was, without a doubt, the quickest shower I have ever taken. Washing my hair I had the most amazing brain freeze of my life!! I have to face this ordeal for at least another week, or of course I could do what the locals do...just not shower for two weeks!!

Fairwell for now

2006-07-04T13:50:00.000+05:00

It is with a happy heart that I say, dear readers, a fond fairwell to this Siberian wilderness, at least for the next four weeks.

I have been here for just over five weeks and in that time I have not seen one hour of darkness!! I have awoken at varous times in the 'night' to find the sun happily shining, obviously oblivious to the actual time.

What concerns me most is will I be able to cope with 24hrs of darkness in the winter???
We shall see, 'cause winter's coming!!!

Anyway until next time, fairwell oh northern wasteland!!!

Views of Siberia

2006-06-25T14:33:00.000+05:00

The other day I borrowed a camera to take a picture or two of Siberia before the snow returns. Of course the day I remembered to take the camera it was dull and rainy...typical.

Anyway first picture...my trusty steed!!

For the technical minded it's a new 4wd turbo charged diesel Mitsubishi, The 4wd part is crucial here!!

Now the reason I need 4wd...the Tundra road!

Basically the Tundra road is sand piled up on top of the boggy Tundra. This is a rare picture indeed...no snow!! Rivetting scenery!!!

When I was on my way back to the office I came across a police car. They are very keen on using radar guns to catch speeders, so naturally I slowed down!

However the when I got closer I couldn't believe my eyes......

It was a cut out cardboard replica!!!!!!!

Two Years On

2006-06-21T16:49:00.000+05:00

As some of you will recall today is a significant day in my life. Two years ago today my heart finally rebelled at the lifetime of abuse I'd been throwing at it.

It cetainly got my attention, it was nearly the end of me!

But thank God for His mercy, a great doctor, and my devoted wife and family for hauling me back to wellness; in Catherine's case literally!!

The road has been difficult.....for them!! I am without a doubt an extremely hard headed individual and it was only their constant vigilance and tough stand that got me through. And of course loads and loads of blueberries, more blueberries than you can ever imagine, thanks to my wife.!!
Everytime I tried to eat something 'unhealthy' I was bombarded from every side...blimey talk about persistance!! Even sneaking goodies was virtually impossible, they actually counted sweets and chocolates and chips and things!!!!

But it paid off in the end because the other day I came across a picture of me about two weeks after the event, I looked half dead, pale, sunken eyes, ugh !!!

So now two years on I can say with sincerity thank you Lord... and thanks y'all!!!

The Retro Apartment

2006-06-18T16:14:00.000+05:00

Well I just got a first look at the apartment I will be moving into in Novy Urengoy.

On entering one is reminded of a grotty London flat common in the 70s. However it is cozy and will, I'm sure, eventually be a refuge from the Siberian cold, a real cheery place!!

The kitchen is also from the 70s, old fridge, old gas cooker, tiny kitchen table with two small stools, kitchen cabinet doors askew; it's like a blast from the past; I remember living in a place like this when I was a student! Retro is cool...right?!!
On the positive side there is a great new microwave/convection oven and all new kitchen equipment.

My bedroom has a bed and a wardrobe and a bedside table, and that's all, but then who needs more? But the room is about six hundred degrees!! The heating is on and is of course controlled by the state.... can't turn it off. Apparently they turn it off in July for a while...along with the hot water!! Needless to say I opened a window...after a major struggle with the triple glazing!

The bathroom has a new bath(great!), a new washer-dryer(great!...umm for clothes!) but the shower is one of those things common in Europe... a shower head on the end of a hose; that should be fun!

My shopping list for the new apartment;

Rubber gloves
Very large bottle of bleach!!

I think some of my wife has finally rubbed off on me!!

My Life in One Picture

2006-06-09T15:59:00.000+05:00

I came across this picture today and if ever one picture represents my life this is it.

But..............

Thank God for this
Thank God for these

Even this

But most of all for this

Because life without it would be a real pain in the ...........

Siberian Seasons

2006-06-02T16:34:00.000+05:00

Yesterday I was discussing with a Russian the seasons in Siberia. I said that there are only two seasons in Siberia...winter, and winter's coming.

He stronly refuted my statement and explained once and for all the Siberian seasons

June ...........Spring

July............Summer

August .......Fall

September to May ....Winter

I stand corrected!

The Frozen Toilet Revisited

2006-05-31T17:55:00.000+05:00

Well spring is upon us here in Novy Urengoy and things have started defrosting... including the brown stalagmite (see The Frozen Toilet - a scary but true story). I just had to go and have a look to see what happened to that frozen pile and yes I can report with confidense that it has completely defrosted. Now instead of a brown stalagmite we have a brown puddle. However the stench remains the same.

Back in the cold seat again

2006-05-28T14:00:00.000+05:00

I have returned to the freezer! After 2 months off waiting for a visa I am finally back in the Siberian wastelands; quite a shock after enjoying the warm springtime weather of Atlanta.

I arrived this morning at around 8am after my second all night flight in a row. To welcome my arrival it was snowing...at the end of May? When will summer come to this frozen land? It must be said, however, that most of the winters snow has melted and the town of Novi Urengoy has been transformed from a cute winter wonderland to a garbage dump!!! Under the snow was, as I suspected, a very ugly industrial city with no concern for beauty only basic funtionality, yuk!! My wife would wither in a place like this.

Lack of sleep is making me morose, I shall return after I have had a good nights sleep.

Vollyball in the freezer

2006-03-20T17:02:00.000+05:00

For two hours yesterday a battle took place in the Novy Urengoy Sportshall. Two teams of podgy, unfit men attempted to play volleyball. Fortunately the hall was not open to public view.

I'm not sure what the outcome was as the scoring was done by heated discussion in Russian. However nobody suffered injury and a great time was had by all.

This morning I noticed that some people were walking very slowly and with pained expressions... including this reporter!

I must be crazy

2006-03-18T17:44:00.000+05:00

I think the cold air has finally frozen my brain because I foolishly signed up for an interoffice volleyball match.

Tomorrow afternoon (Sunday) we are all going to a local sports hall to make a complete fool of ourselves. Everybody is in their 40s and 50s and most have beer bellys. There will be Russians, Germans, and Brits...sounds like a replay of WW2.

I hope nobody brings a camera!

If I survive a match report will be forthcoming

A Bright Sunny Day

2006-03-17T17:29:00.000+05:00

When I woke up this morning the snow storm had completely gone. The sun was shining, the sky a clear brilliant blue. All around was a clean layer of white snow, a real picture postcard.

With a spring in my step I set off on the 10 minute walk to the office. I got about 20 yards and I started coughing. I got 50 yards and I stopped to put on my ski mask. At 100 yards I thought my nose was going to drop off! The rest of the walk was just plain painful...nice and sunny though!!

When I got to the office I had icicles hanging from my mustache and a wide eyed look of pure "oh my God that was cold"

I found out that the presence of the bright sunshine in Siberia is very deceptive...it was -35

All Quiet on the Western (Siberian) Front

2006-03-16T17:00:00.000+05:00

The last 24 hours has seen nothing but snow, snow, and more snow! Last night it was a full blown blizzard, visibility down to a few yards. Glad I wasn't out in it.

There has been further developments on the hand soap front. (See previous article on "Things I hate...)
This morning a brand new batch of pump soaps appeared, and not the usual radioactive colors. No, we now have Milk and Honey soap, and yes it smells of milk and honey...kinda!

At the bottom of the label it says for dry, sensative skin...and yes that's just what I got after I'd used it!!!

STOP PRESS - Contact From Outer Space!!

2006-03-15T18:03:00.000+05:00

I have not done the usual piece today due to the following photo that was found by this author. It proves beyond a doubt that there is intelligent life out there and they have sent us a message.

It is a picture of the Keyhole Nebula as taken by the Hubble telescope.

If you look at the upper left hand side you will see the message from our Alien friends!!

The Frozen Toilet - A scary but true story

2006-03-14T16:39:00.000+05:00

Recently I went out to a Russian drilling rig to look it over before we started drilling. Of course it was a bitingly cold day around -30 deg C with a piercing wind.
As with all cold weather it caused a need to go to the toilet. I was pointed to a wooden shack sitting precariously on top of a snow drift off to the side of the location. The need was greater than the obvious dangers.
I opened the door slowly and looked into the dark interior. It was a simple interior with wood walls and a large round hole in the floor. The floor of the interior was wet with melted snow as the interior was heated by a small electrical heater( all mod cons! ). I stepped in to use this Siberian comfort station and two things immediately happened; one, I started to slide on the wet floor towards the gaping hole, and two, was hit by the most incredile stench I have ever had the misfortune to smell. I back peddled as fast as I could mainly to stop myself from falling into the hole, but also to escape the smell.
I took great gulps of the lovely fresh air as soon as I got out. But the need was even greater. I took a deep breath and plunged in, this time taking care to wedge my feet against the walls.
I looked into the hole to see, to my amazment, a brown stalagmite poking up to the level of the hole in the floor! I suspect all would have been well had they not put a heater in there thus melting the top of the brown stalagmite!!!
Never again!!

The Not So Bad List

2006-03-13T15:41:00.000+05:00

This is to counteract the last list because not all is negative

1. Russian food - So far I have to say that the food is very good. Even this far away from civilization the veggies are fresh and the fruit reasonable. The soup we get at lunch is incredible it's called Bortsh (spelling?) They also serve a lot of fish, good for the heart!

2. The fresh air - No doubt about it the air is fresh. But it also has a crisp untainted quality about it. It really stimulates the appetite, if I needed any help!!!

More to come!

The Hate List

2006-03-13T15:35:00.000+05:00

Here is the start of a list of things I hate about Russia.

1. Russian toilets - They are without a doubt the most disgusting toilets I have come across in my travels, closely rivalled only by raghead ones.

2. Russian toilet paper - Firstly it usually comes in a lime green color, and has the surface texture of 150 grit sandpaper, I kid you not!

3. Hand soap - Comes in very weird toxic waste colors and smells like cheap flowery perfume. It also strips any and all of the moisture content of the skin

Watch this space for more

One week on

2006-03-13T14:12:00.000+05:00

Unbelievable the way time flies when your having fun. I've been in Novy Urengoy, Siberia for a week already. The weather is the main problem and also the main source of amazement. These are definately the lowest temperatures I have ever experienced and it's March already. This last week has been around -20 deg C with an unusual day of only -2. The coldest day was at -32 . Apparently at this time of year the temperature can vary a good deal... no kidding.

The office I work in is heated to tropical levels and also the living accomodation, so coming and going means putting clothes on and taking clothes off, putting clothes on and taking clothes off etc.. Despite all protests I have opened my office window I can't stand this stuffy heat, and the locals are not too fond of using deoderant either!!